He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
