Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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