problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
