I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
