More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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