Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I puked a lego.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
