Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
