So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
