Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Operation Purity has been aborted
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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