i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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