Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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