We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
