so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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