Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
