i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
