Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
