I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
