That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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