We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
