i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
