2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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