would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
