i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
