I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
