just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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