I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
