every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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