happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
