what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
