I think I am morally bankrupt
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
