They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
