Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
