Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think my moral compass just broke
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize