I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
