Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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