Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
