i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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