I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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