Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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