I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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