my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
