If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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