god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
