I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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