Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
