you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
