I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
