Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
