Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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