I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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