Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
