where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drunk is not a location!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
