she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize