He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
