plz talk dirty to me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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