Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
