I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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