it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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