Where are you?
In a non slutty way
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
