Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
