doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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