He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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