Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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