So drunk its hurt
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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