We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
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He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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