After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
a search helicopter?!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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