Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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