i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
