cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
