I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
