the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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