Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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