I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
