it hurts more in the daytime
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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