i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
