his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
