Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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