So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
