Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
