First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
