I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
