that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
